I want a cactus in a cute little pot and I’ll name it after you because you’re a fucking prick.
i love catfish so much because they act like theyre fbi agents or something when theyre really just using reverse google image search
i thought you meant the animal and let me tell you that was a wild minute of me trying to figure out the psychology of fish thinking they’re federal law enforcement
"i am not at all physically attracted to you"
is an absolutely valid reason to not want to date someone.
People had the nerve to call me shallow for this.
By the way, it’s also totally cool to turn someone down without explaining your reasons. You are not interested, no will suffice. Do not feel pressured to explain your decisions to someone else.
That’s one way to handle the heat.
I’m never gonna get over Ellen’s face
when the only friend you have in a certain class is absent
"i’m a nice guy, why don’t bitches like me"
well son, let me tell you about the birds and the bees. i have 100 birds and 100 bees in this box. they’re angry. i’m opening the box. they’re coming for you
Everyone’s fucked up. You’ve just gotta decide what kinda fucked up you’re into.